Man, oh man. There have been a number of deaths in the lives of friends recently, mostly parents and grandparents that have lead fairly long and productive lives, but there are occasional exceptions.
I should think logically that "at my age" I will see a lot of "stuff" and there is a certain timing to it all. Graduations, Marriages, children, divorces, taxes and death. Hmm. . . Perhaps a little morbid, if thought about one way, but another person might just shrug and think... That is just the way things are. (That is the person that is either emotionally distant from the immediate event, i.e. not themselves, an immediate friend or close relative involved or they are just biologically distant (have little feelings of empathy for anything...)
We can only find the words though practice and heartfelt reaction to the events that come before us...
Congratulations!
Happy Birthday.
Mazel Tov!
My condolences to...
I am sorry to hear that...
I am so happy for you...
They will be ______ missed.
It is as if I do not feel comfortable repeating myself, saying the same words the same way each time. I would be a terrible chef/musician/actor, as I would have a very difficult time repeating the same thing again and again. To literally say what I am thinking doesn't always work either.
My thought process is not always linear, usually very visual and the 1000 words is just a start in trying to describe the thoughts...
To say: The thoughts/feelings I have can hardly be expressed, yet I fumble through, with these words, in the hope that you can read and understand some small part of what I happened to be thinking at the time that I wrote this...[and what is unsaid is that I hope that I was able to convey clearly, hardly ever concisely, my genuine/goofy/sincere/happy/sad/glad/confused/helpful/creative/loving/elipsis...]
It is hard to have Laurie Anderson and the Talking Head's David Byrne and his lyrics bounce through my head, as guidance "...said something once,...Why say it again?"
Is it worth repeating?
Aside: In my shy youth, I would almost intentionally mumble, and may still resort to mumbling, as I "knew" that people really weren't listening to me, so why speak up, or speak clearly, as they would innevitably just say,"What? Hunh?" and I would then, with a little more volume and annunciate my words, repeat what I had just said through a rehearsed mumble. What I mean, as I think of it now, the inital mumble was almost a rehearsal, a dry run, a way to start to organize my thoughts, out loud, before their public debut. (sp?)
Many times, I could stop myself and respond to the what(?) or hunh(?) with a "no, nothing." or "it wasn't important, you go on, sorry" The apology (that is fodder for an entirely different Blog entry...)
Ugh. I should get a little sleep, and return to this later. {sure Mike, just throw out this roughest of drafts, off the top of my head, rambling. Un-edited.}
- M.O.
I'd like to hear more about the apology thing -- that is me. I sometimes have to make an effort to be heard because I'm very used to feeling discarded. I mumbled a lot in my youth too.
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