The 'Fight or Flight' response in such an 'old-school' neuro-psychological response biologically ingrained, but triggered by percieved danger. To wish that I could overcome something that is not logical to me. To prevent the cascade of adrenaline and the nervous or anxious response that makes me feel like a scared rabbit. Believing that, short of a stethoscope and blood tests, no one usually notices what I am feeling. Does it help me to run faster? Run Away! Run Away! or does it cloud my higher thoughts leaving me feeling I have few options.
There is an arguement to be made, that there are vestiges of the neuro-psychological response we have come to call Love. The response to what? Thoughts, good thoughts, sexy, hopeful, illogical (memory blocking, narcissistic) thoughts. Physical factors, tantalizing our senses. (Sight, smell, touch, taste. . .) Thought to be an 'emotion', justified at times by intellectual observation, Love we are told, is a mystery. I really do not feel/think it is. I do believe that there is a nearly unnoticed imposition of cultural restrictions where we are told who we are allowed to love and at times, though it is unsaid, we are even constrained as to how and how much.
I love my wife, I love my Mom and Dad, my sister, my friends. It is automatic for us [generally] to be able to assume exactly what I mean, and how we measure how and what each type of love means; How each is expressed. That said, I get to what I really wanted to say... I love and fear that in expressing something beyond normal conventions would become repellant to those that I would want to profess the thought/feeling.
Example: To say "I love you" to someone is different than, "I love you, man", "I love you guys" and all of the other diffused versions of the original three potent words. We sensor ourselves: "I really like you" may be entirely true, but the expression may be hardly the extent that is felt.
From a different perspective: When I was younger I realized that one may have 'fallen in like'* in the instances when, all the 'symptoms' of falling in love (mentioned above) has occurred, yet [as society may interject] "You are not mature enough to know what Love is yet."
* The honeymoon period in a friendship, when I have eyes for what is 'in common', positive and good about the person. My realization of the superficial nature of some people's relationships had me thinking about this. (I guess I wanted more)
Love: That is not an omlette! that is just scrambled eggs with stuff mixed in!
Me: Well, it tastes the same... so what is the difference?
As we mature and live and change, as people [thinking: education, experience, emotional maturity, exposure to others' experiences, etc.] Love, percieved as a teen may still hold many of the same qualities as the same person as an adult sees as Love. Relationships may just get more complicated... We grow and change. It is amazing, with the amount of change in all of our lives, that individuals can flex [tolerate that change] as we change at different rates and amounts. How flexible, tolerant, stable, stagnant, open and accepting am I? I love to learn, and the change may just be confined to the space between my ears. Doesn't this manifest in my external world?
What the hell to I know?
Knowing is less important than feeling. What do you feel? And what makes you feel loved?
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize how significant that last question would be in a relationship but it is, and it will differ and matter for each person in a relationship. Like, it makes my mom feel loved when I call her, so knowing that, I should call her more often. Even though I hate the phone! But her feelings matter and your post has me thinking about letting her know more often.