I have the feeling that no one noticed my absence.
To tell the truth, that is probably one of the reasons I fell off the face of the Earth.
M.O.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The Catch-22
The idea that I could find the out. The way out. To be sure, there was little chance of it, I have been getting along and getting by for so long now that I could see little chance of "light at the end of the tunnel". Not the "light" as in "Don't go into the light!" though I had thought that 'that' might be a solution at one time, (long sad story of anxiety and depression mixed with excessive overwork and compounded by a deep feeling of responsibility and perfectionism...I am better now.) Regardless of the specific details, maybe another day, and this will be my reminder to write a chapter down in my autobiography (someday) [haa!]
The pain of one direction, to intentionally fail, to sabotage my (present) academic pursuit, which I am hot and cold about, (the pursuit, not the sabotage) and the resulting aftermath (I am no good at math). Then to find the easy way out, 'mono-nucleosis' or the plague or something... then again to ask permission to be let go... that just will not happen. I asked.
So, I suspect that I will have to put my shoulder into it and pass the class. I have made it this far without (any of the above) (complete)fail(ure). Jan 4th till Feb 9th (the so far) and March 5th is the target to the finish line. It seems so far. So much more to do... Ugh.
Smile, head up, breathe, do my best, I am a smart guy, just a lot harder to train than your average 'old dog'.
What difference is made by the quality of teachers. The guys teaching really know their stuff, and assume that all will be able to keep up or at least follow their example. The idea that an expert in a field is the best teacher is usually not true. It is the one that can make the subject matter digestable, relate-able that will win high praise with me.
I hate to brag to myself here, but you know, I will need reminders for that autobiography (still needs a title, something like "He took over for Jack and the phrase was coined Mike-of-Trades." [yeah, too long] Anyway, I was once a drivers education instructor (1999-2001 or so) and I had to learn to 'un-learn' how I drive, to actually derive the equation or perhaps deconstruct the concept(s) to be able to teach a new generation of young drivers to succeed at what most of us adults do without much thought.
Yeah, that's me, putting a lot of thought into something others consider (relatively) mindless. I found a way to teach each concept at least three different ways. [insert examples here] All would culminate (and no I would not use words like 'culminate' with my classes/students) into the experiential (or the word experiential); The doing, the hands on, the real thing, the real McCoy as each had to actually apply each of those parts successfully before they would be tested and set out on the road on their own. I fretted over it, and I enjoyed it, and the little money it brought me. It was then that I realized that I would really like to have kids of my own. I love teaching. Why then am I not a teacher. Hmm. Well the fact that my present work is well suited to a Mike-of-Trades. I teach, I train, I do customer service, fitness and consulting, social and financial counseling, research, and development, construction, maintenance, and intelligence analysis, to name a few jobs off the top of my head...
Why change all the fun now? The fun I would like includes fewer hours staring at the computer (for work) and more (I hope) helping and relating to live warm bodies that can respond in turn. (Leaving this intentionally vague, as I am still trying out other options (presently stalled by aforementioned class)...
Enough,
- Mike Odd
The pain of one direction, to intentionally fail, to sabotage my (present) academic pursuit, which I am hot and cold about, (the pursuit, not the sabotage) and the resulting aftermath (I am no good at math). Then to find the easy way out, 'mono-nucleosis' or the plague or something... then again to ask permission to be let go... that just will not happen. I asked.
So, I suspect that I will have to put my shoulder into it and pass the class. I have made it this far without (any of the above) (complete)fail(ure). Jan 4th till Feb 9th (the so far) and March 5th is the target to the finish line. It seems so far. So much more to do... Ugh.
Smile, head up, breathe, do my best, I am a smart guy, just a lot harder to train than your average 'old dog'.
What difference is made by the quality of teachers. The guys teaching really know their stuff, and assume that all will be able to keep up or at least follow their example. The idea that an expert in a field is the best teacher is usually not true. It is the one that can make the subject matter digestable, relate-able that will win high praise with me.
I hate to brag to myself here, but you know, I will need reminders for that autobiography (still needs a title, something like "He took over for Jack and the phrase was coined Mike-of-Trades." [yeah, too long] Anyway, I was once a drivers education instructor (1999-2001 or so) and I had to learn to 'un-learn' how I drive, to actually derive the equation or perhaps deconstruct the concept(s) to be able to teach a new generation of young drivers to succeed at what most of us adults do without much thought.
Yeah, that's me, putting a lot of thought into something others consider (relatively) mindless. I found a way to teach each concept at least three different ways. [insert examples here] All would culminate (and no I would not use words like 'culminate' with my classes/students) into the experiential (or the word experiential); The doing, the hands on, the real thing, the real McCoy as each had to actually apply each of those parts successfully before they would be tested and set out on the road on their own. I fretted over it, and I enjoyed it, and the little money it brought me. It was then that I realized that I would really like to have kids of my own. I love teaching. Why then am I not a teacher. Hmm. Well the fact that my present work is well suited to a Mike-of-Trades. I teach, I train, I do customer service, fitness and consulting, social and financial counseling, research, and development, construction, maintenance, and intelligence analysis, to name a few jobs off the top of my head...
Why change all the fun now? The fun I would like includes fewer hours staring at the computer (for work) and more (I hope) helping and relating to live warm bodies that can respond in turn. (Leaving this intentionally vague, as I am still trying out other options (presently stalled by aforementioned class)...
Enough,
- Mike Odd
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Capacity for the unknown
To say that I have a [greater than average] capacity to be comfortable with the prospect of dealing with the unknown would be a gross mis-statement. What I am getting at... hmm. Well I suppose that as there are so many 'unknowns' [like a massive mathmatical equation with all greek symbols and hardly a number anywhere] that I have not a clue as to how to even begin to reason with possible impending reality.
Simply put, I can even avoid/ procrastinate about what I might fear, or be unexpectedly blindsided by. THis is a gross generalization, you must understand. I like a little hyperbole to get started... I can think like a chess master about some of the most complex "what if's" and yet in the next minute be happily unaware of emotional peril. (also hyperbole, for effect) I get down on myself for not being: (here comes a list) - perfect enough at (Fill in the blank) - able to know with certainty what I was put on this earth to do (no pressure) - happy enough - (anything to do with the superficial, i.e. good looks, muscular, tan, etc. ) enough for whomsoever (sp?) would desire to be my friend, - (intelligent, artistic, kind, considerate, empathetic, etc.) enough to warrant the charity of kindness from others. -
And then I think; what a sad sack, fool. I am what I am (ref. Popeye) and most of the time I don't even think of who that is exactly. I have habits, I eat and sleep and go to work (which is a whole other can of worms) and I find time to read and listen to NPR on the radio, watch interesting movies (sorry, "films") and take decent care of my health. I love art and music and conversations with friends and even the occasional acquaintance or stranger. Homeless in El Paso that saw me ride my motorcycle past them on the way to work, would nod or say hello if there was enough time at the light. I was the guy that would flip them a granola bar or bottle of water (not much of a prize, but in recognition of how long they would hang out in the sun asking for handouts) and never money as I had very little myself.
Where is this going? Perhaps I just need to balance the me I see, and what I have done so far, with the idea, the prospect of what I am capable and likely to do in the future, if the universe allows it. The only thing that I worry about is a conundrum, which probably comes from a little to much science fiction. And that is, what path I take today will affect what I will eventually do down the road 'tomorrow'. A domino effect that is the progress and path of my life. Set 'em up and knock'em down. One (I) wishes to seek knowledge and hope to have forethought as to where to set the dominos next.
I am happy to report that there are many (at east a number) of people that I consider friends, though recently having little time to see them, are still very encouraging of me to follow my heart/mind and do great things. Such responsibility. I will try not to dissapoint them. My place, my work and present class is/are limitations, have walls and rails and bumpers that keep me in play. THinking like a pinball. The flippers of destiny keep knocking me back into the playing field and I bounce frenetically, though still governed by laws of (physics) gravity and geometry. I rack up more time and lights and noise around me must mean something, but does it count? Is this where I want to be? Points accumulate above, but should I care, and who benefits from all of this? I feel a bit beat... tired. Is this the game that I am supposed to be a part of? Is there some better use for me?
I'd like to be honest with those that see and know me now and say that I, many times during the day, ask the question, "What the hell am I doing here?" That is usually followed with a certain amount of planning what I need to say to 'the right person' to get me outa here and on to something else. Stopped in its tracks by the question... Do What?! "What" is another story for another time. A dream list, at least this year's list...
- Mike Odd
Simply put, I can even avoid/ procrastinate about what I might fear, or be unexpectedly blindsided by. THis is a gross generalization, you must understand. I like a little hyperbole to get started... I can think like a chess master about some of the most complex "what if's" and yet in the next minute be happily unaware of emotional peril. (also hyperbole, for effect) I get down on myself for not being: (here comes a list) - perfect enough at (Fill in the blank) - able to know with certainty what I was put on this earth to do (no pressure) - happy enough - (anything to do with the superficial, i.e. good looks, muscular, tan, etc. ) enough for whomsoever (sp?) would desire to be my friend, - (intelligent, artistic, kind, considerate, empathetic, etc.) enough to warrant the charity of kindness from others. -
And then I think; what a sad sack, fool. I am what I am (ref. Popeye) and most of the time I don't even think of who that is exactly. I have habits, I eat and sleep and go to work (which is a whole other can of worms) and I find time to read and listen to NPR on the radio, watch interesting movies (sorry, "films") and take decent care of my health. I love art and music and conversations with friends and even the occasional acquaintance or stranger. Homeless in El Paso that saw me ride my motorcycle past them on the way to work, would nod or say hello if there was enough time at the light. I was the guy that would flip them a granola bar or bottle of water (not much of a prize, but in recognition of how long they would hang out in the sun asking for handouts) and never money as I had very little myself.
Where is this going? Perhaps I just need to balance the me I see, and what I have done so far, with the idea, the prospect of what I am capable and likely to do in the future, if the universe allows it. The only thing that I worry about is a conundrum, which probably comes from a little to much science fiction. And that is, what path I take today will affect what I will eventually do down the road 'tomorrow'. A domino effect that is the progress and path of my life. Set 'em up and knock'em down. One (I) wishes to seek knowledge and hope to have forethought as to where to set the dominos next.
I am happy to report that there are many (at east a number) of people that I consider friends, though recently having little time to see them, are still very encouraging of me to follow my heart/mind and do great things. Such responsibility. I will try not to dissapoint them. My place, my work and present class is/are limitations, have walls and rails and bumpers that keep me in play. THinking like a pinball. The flippers of destiny keep knocking me back into the playing field and I bounce frenetically, though still governed by laws of (physics) gravity and geometry. I rack up more time and lights and noise around me must mean something, but does it count? Is this where I want to be? Points accumulate above, but should I care, and who benefits from all of this? I feel a bit beat... tired. Is this the game that I am supposed to be a part of? Is there some better use for me?
I'd like to be honest with those that see and know me now and say that I, many times during the day, ask the question, "What the hell am I doing here?" That is usually followed with a certain amount of planning what I need to say to 'the right person' to get me outa here and on to something else. Stopped in its tracks by the question... Do What?! "What" is another story for another time. A dream list, at least this year's list...
- Mike Odd
Friday, February 3, 2012
Tried something old that is again new
Harkening back to my youth, I have my choice of both good and bad memories, and I come upon the image of the big mirror in the upstairs bathroom at Mom and Dad's, you could not avoid it if you tried. In that mirror I spent many hours contemplating (not hours at a time, many minutes that, over time, must add up to hours.) I would sit on the sink top (which was, and still is, pretty big) and stared at myself. I suppose it might seem a vain thing. But to know one's self, to understand that what you are looking at is in fact the reflected light bouncing back into your eyes. I move and my reflection follows. There is something that you cannot see, the thoughts of that other image (that is me), sure you can make faces and act a part, or act a fool, but it was hard to put the two together. I mean, it was hard to imagine what others saw, when they looked my way. Sure, the subjective look at the bad skin and curly hair. But what do others actually see? I am amazed to hear some friends surprised at any sort of compliment or admiration, perhaps they don't see it. Just as I could not, looking into that mirror.
I hear children, all the time, as I live in a house with five of them, and to want to hold up a mirror to them, or a recording of their voices, to show them as we see them. The yelling or whining, laughter or squeels of surprise or joy, the sound of distain and selfish (I, me, MINE!), I know that they do not hear it as we do. Twenty years from now, I know they will have grown, but when will they ever get to realize how they appear.
I decided to make the effort and smile this morning. Not a goofy or artificial smile, but a smile that comes from the realization of how good a life I have, despite any setbacks. I will coin it as 'the smile of Job'. The smile that Job had in his faith. Strangely, or maybe not so strangely, I noticed the immediate response from strangers and classmates that it truely has an effect like smiling at one's self in the mirror. [I used to do this as what I thought was my own invention, "smile therapy" I'd call it. I come to read, years later, that in fact it is theraputic, at least when the smile becomes genuine. Sure, I'll start with a forced smile when I am 'not feelin' it', sometimes the worst is the best, as it is to look at the charicature of a smile that can make me smile. I can actually, and don't hold this against me, crack myself up. Laughing at my own inane thoughts and expressions.]
To only be able to cure disease this easily. A contagion of smiles. What more could I ask for.
...
- Mike Odd
I hear children, all the time, as I live in a house with five of them, and to want to hold up a mirror to them, or a recording of their voices, to show them as we see them. The yelling or whining, laughter or squeels of surprise or joy, the sound of distain and selfish (I, me, MINE!), I know that they do not hear it as we do. Twenty years from now, I know they will have grown, but when will they ever get to realize how they appear.
I decided to make the effort and smile this morning. Not a goofy or artificial smile, but a smile that comes from the realization of how good a life I have, despite any setbacks. I will coin it as 'the smile of Job'. The smile that Job had in his faith. Strangely, or maybe not so strangely, I noticed the immediate response from strangers and classmates that it truely has an effect like smiling at one's self in the mirror. [I used to do this as what I thought was my own invention, "smile therapy" I'd call it. I come to read, years later, that in fact it is theraputic, at least when the smile becomes genuine. Sure, I'll start with a forced smile when I am 'not feelin' it', sometimes the worst is the best, as it is to look at the charicature of a smile that can make me smile. I can actually, and don't hold this against me, crack myself up. Laughing at my own inane thoughts and expressions.]
To only be able to cure disease this easily. A contagion of smiles. What more could I ask for.
...
- Mike Odd
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
The idea "to never quit"
Why is it that we can never quit. Can't we "...quit while we're ahead?" Perhaps quit when it is "miller time". No, is taken to literally, and we (those 'brainwashed' in my profession) are supposed to "never quit". But I have to argue with the underlying subtext that it is to "never quit" when one's life is on the line, in battle, to fight and survive for the sake of others and nobler causes...
There comes a time when one makes a well reasoned assessment of a situation and decides that in order to cut one's losses, prevent the waste of money and resources, and just move on to something else; Just to quit. The guilt trip that exists in one's own mind, that of failure or possible loss of face among one's peers is just as obvious to me as it is to those that remind me, "Hey, you are smart, you can do it." [Am I not smart enough to know my own limitations?]
What if I know that I am not suited to, or cut out for "it". I am old enough and know myself just well enough after all these years (of mistakes and changes in direction for [mostly] good reasons) that something is just not for me.
The funny thing is that this is actually the second time that I have realized this very same fact. In 2005 I decided to leave, the work that I have currently returned to, it was an attempt at a new direction. The change in direction did not work out, I literally burned out (imagine one candle with wicks at both ends, burned out) and was told, without consideration that I had already decided that I was not suited... to go back from whence I came. Did they, the deciders, know I left for a reason? [It wasn't just for fun.] Did I know whether I had any recourse? [How could I refuse?] I still don't know. I try to do what I am told, I am neither the sharpest in the shed nor the fastest on the track. I know my limitations, though I do not always abide by them.
I see, and yet do not know how to describe to others I work for, the anxiety I feel. [Apparently I have a great "poker face"] In reality, I feel as if I am treading water (where I am right now), and though I am a pretty good swimmer, I see no land in sight, and it is getting dark out. I have no idea whether I will live till morning as I feel I may succumb to fatigue. Sure, I will try not to quit, but there comes a point where one reaches the wall of physical limitations.
I would rather run a daily marathon (as it is only 26.2 miles) than continue with what I am doing (which I cannot measure or see the end of), but I cannot tell someone that, and have them think I am sane.
It is a fine line to tread, to ask for intelligent advice about moving on to something 'other' when to do so you have to be convincing that you are not suited/capable for something else. Hmm. It is the Catch-22 where you are damned if you do and you are damned if you do not. I can stay, suffer and possibly fail miserably eke by for the next two years, or I can take a chance, try to find something, some way that my heart and mind will feel good about.
None of this mentions my dysthymic depression, (persistant mild) with bouts of deeper depression. "You seem so happy..." and I think, "Oh,yeah. I really do have a good poker face." Perhaps it is only that I am numb. No drugs, rarely any alcohol, not that kind, but a bit shut down after years. I still cry, and love and still have the time to make myself laugh, but all knee deep, wading in sadness, melancholia. It is such a constant it is as if the Tare on my scale has been reset to include the extra weight.
Once again, I have found out my own thinking on a subject by writing it out. What to do about it, that is another story. Working on it...
- Mike Odd
It must sound like such a joy to be me! Wheee!. . .yah right.
There comes a time when one makes a well reasoned assessment of a situation and decides that in order to cut one's losses, prevent the waste of money and resources, and just move on to something else; Just to quit. The guilt trip that exists in one's own mind, that of failure or possible loss of face among one's peers is just as obvious to me as it is to those that remind me, "Hey, you are smart, you can do it." [Am I not smart enough to know my own limitations?]
What if I know that I am not suited to, or cut out for "it". I am old enough and know myself just well enough after all these years (of mistakes and changes in direction for [mostly] good reasons) that something is just not for me.
The funny thing is that this is actually the second time that I have realized this very same fact. In 2005 I decided to leave, the work that I have currently returned to, it was an attempt at a new direction. The change in direction did not work out, I literally burned out (imagine one candle with wicks at both ends, burned out) and was told, without consideration that I had already decided that I was not suited... to go back from whence I came. Did they, the deciders, know I left for a reason? [It wasn't just for fun.] Did I know whether I had any recourse? [How could I refuse?] I still don't know. I try to do what I am told, I am neither the sharpest in the shed nor the fastest on the track. I know my limitations, though I do not always abide by them.
I see, and yet do not know how to describe to others I work for, the anxiety I feel. [Apparently I have a great "poker face"] In reality, I feel as if I am treading water (where I am right now), and though I am a pretty good swimmer, I see no land in sight, and it is getting dark out. I have no idea whether I will live till morning as I feel I may succumb to fatigue. Sure, I will try not to quit, but there comes a point where one reaches the wall of physical limitations.
I would rather run a daily marathon (as it is only 26.2 miles) than continue with what I am doing (which I cannot measure or see the end of), but I cannot tell someone that, and have them think I am sane.
It is a fine line to tread, to ask for intelligent advice about moving on to something 'other' when to do so you have to be convincing that you are not suited/capable for something else. Hmm. It is the Catch-22 where you are damned if you do and you are damned if you do not. I can stay, suffer and possibly fail miserably eke by for the next two years, or I can take a chance, try to find something, some way that my heart and mind will feel good about.
None of this mentions my dysthymic depression, (persistant mild) with bouts of deeper depression. "You seem so happy..." and I think, "Oh,yeah. I really do have a good poker face." Perhaps it is only that I am numb. No drugs, rarely any alcohol, not that kind, but a bit shut down after years. I still cry, and love and still have the time to make myself laugh, but all knee deep, wading in sadness, melancholia. It is such a constant it is as if the Tare on my scale has been reset to include the extra weight.
Once again, I have found out my own thinking on a subject by writing it out. What to do about it, that is another story. Working on it...
- Mike Odd
It must sound like such a joy to be me! Wheee!. . .yah right.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
How much time does it take?
If there were a way to judge, let alone know, when one's short term memory is processed into (mid and) long term memory, would there be a way to optimize the speed and retention of new information?
The daily firehose of information in class recently has gotten to the point that I will stop to take a break, get up and move out of the stream; Perhaps caring a little less about whether I get every drop of knowledge. I will have occasional pangs of regret, for what, I am not entirely sure, as I do not know what I missed and therefore do not know what I do not know. (Yes, this is a circular, dog chasing his tail sort of thinking, but I have done it for so long, it is a hard habit to break.)
Habits to break: (1) Second hand smoking. Have to stop, have been doing this since childhood. At times I have a choice. (2) Jumping to the conclustion that it is (if not 'all') at least mostly my fault. [I hear that this is the opposite of most people that decidedly claim 'others' are the source of their misfortune (or perhaps some spiritually divine or evil intervention) affected their lot in life]. (3) Assuming that my self worth is directly a product of my work/career/ or profession. [Note: I have been working on this one for many years, with some progress.] (4) This may sound really silly, as I type this out loud, but here goes... I have to figure out how to give up my monk like abstinence from sex, as a multi-year geographic bachelor (has) = geographic celibacy. (Perhaps to figure out where I lost my 'mojo', to borrow a term, as it has been in storage for a long time. I have no idea where I put it. [I do have memories of being a more sexual being.] (5) Hmm... Waiting till the last minute isn't really a habit, as I continually reshape ideas, assignments, etc. up to the last minute, perhaps never satisfied, and harkening back to my 'failed perfectionism'. What I need to break is the need to find an appropriate stopping point (early enough) and then ask for an outside opinion for help with final revisions. Just stopping in time enough to be able to have a little mental distance and gain a little perspective...
There are many other habits that I am sure I could take the time to explore their pros and cons, but that would just keep me up at night.
I did learn a different perspective, or at least a way to think about marriage. Simply put, I know that romance has never been a realisitic foundation for a marriage; In fact, it is very unrealisitc as an expectation, and it is the hard fought 'relationship', as there are so many cliches, I'll say "within sane parameters" [and that can vary incredibly] the work of love even when you are angry, distracted, of the same or different opinion(s), is never done.
Blah blah blah. Do I really know what the hell I am talking about? Why should I trust my own tired, and should go to bed 'cause I have to get up really early sort of thinking? Sure, why not, for now. Gotta take the hypothesis and run with it. Thanks Socrates.
- Mike.
The daily firehose of information in class recently has gotten to the point that I will stop to take a break, get up and move out of the stream; Perhaps caring a little less about whether I get every drop of knowledge. I will have occasional pangs of regret, for what, I am not entirely sure, as I do not know what I missed and therefore do not know what I do not know. (Yes, this is a circular, dog chasing his tail sort of thinking, but I have done it for so long, it is a hard habit to break.)
Habits to break: (1) Second hand smoking. Have to stop, have been doing this since childhood. At times I have a choice. (2) Jumping to the conclustion that it is (if not 'all') at least mostly my fault. [I hear that this is the opposite of most people that decidedly claim 'others' are the source of their misfortune (or perhaps some spiritually divine or evil intervention) affected their lot in life]. (3) Assuming that my self worth is directly a product of my work/career/ or profession. [Note: I have been working on this one for many years, with some progress.] (4) This may sound really silly, as I type this out loud, but here goes... I have to figure out how to give up my monk like abstinence from sex, as a multi-year geographic bachelor (has) = geographic celibacy. (Perhaps to figure out where I lost my 'mojo', to borrow a term, as it has been in storage for a long time. I have no idea where I put it. [I do have memories of being a more sexual being.] (5) Hmm... Waiting till the last minute isn't really a habit, as I continually reshape ideas, assignments, etc. up to the last minute, perhaps never satisfied, and harkening back to my 'failed perfectionism'. What I need to break is the need to find an appropriate stopping point (early enough) and then ask for an outside opinion for help with final revisions. Just stopping in time enough to be able to have a little mental distance and gain a little perspective...
There are many other habits that I am sure I could take the time to explore their pros and cons, but that would just keep me up at night.
I did learn a different perspective, or at least a way to think about marriage. Simply put, I know that romance has never been a realisitic foundation for a marriage; In fact, it is very unrealisitc as an expectation, and it is the hard fought 'relationship', as there are so many cliches, I'll say "within sane parameters" [and that can vary incredibly] the work of love even when you are angry, distracted, of the same or different opinion(s), is never done.
Blah blah blah. Do I really know what the hell I am talking about? Why should I trust my own tired, and should go to bed 'cause I have to get up really early sort of thinking? Sure, why not, for now. Gotta take the hypothesis and run with it. Thanks Socrates.
- Mike.
Monday, January 23, 2012
In Progress
Though I know that there will be future setbacks, delays, procrastination, occasional self pity... I have the feeling and knowledge that I have (somehow) made it this far (and at my age that's pretty far) tells me that I can weather some pretty hard times and take time to enjoy the good.
Some positives:
The ice and rain delayed my day today and gave me a little more, much needed, sleep. The three plus hours shoveling Saturday seems not to have affected me more than a small blister. I have had the time to remember what good that I have done, what fun I have had both on my own and with others.
Plan 1.0.
- Minimum of 6 hours sleep per night.
(Backwards plan: Must wake at 0315, so must get to bed before 21:00)
- Reduce random or unnecessary internet use. (45 min to 1 hour if time allows)
- More time dedicated to study/after work work. (Remembering to take breaks)
- ...
I'll start with the above and see if I can make it 'normal' or part of a routine. (except perhaps for weekends)
::Big sigh::
Some positives:
The ice and rain delayed my day today and gave me a little more, much needed, sleep. The three plus hours shoveling Saturday seems not to have affected me more than a small blister. I have had the time to remember what good that I have done, what fun I have had both on my own and with others.
Plan 1.0.
- Minimum of 6 hours sleep per night.
(Backwards plan: Must wake at 0315, so must get to bed before 21:00)
- Reduce random or unnecessary internet use. (45 min to 1 hour if time allows)
- More time dedicated to study/after work work. (Remembering to take breaks)
- ...
I'll start with the above and see if I can make it 'normal' or part of a routine. (except perhaps for weekends)
::Big sigh::
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