The idea that I could find the out. The way out. To be sure, there was little chance of it, I have been getting along and getting by for so long now that I could see little chance of "light at the end of the tunnel". Not the "light" as in "Don't go into the light!" though I had thought that 'that' might be a solution at one time, (long sad story of anxiety and depression mixed with excessive overwork and compounded by a deep feeling of responsibility and perfectionism...I am better now.) Regardless of the specific details, maybe another day, and this will be my reminder to write a chapter down in my autobiography (someday) [haa!]
The pain of one direction, to intentionally fail, to sabotage my (present) academic pursuit, which I am hot and cold about, (the pursuit, not the sabotage) and the resulting aftermath (I am no good at math). Then to find the easy way out, 'mono-nucleosis' or the plague or something... then again to ask permission to be let go... that just will not happen. I asked.
So, I suspect that I will have to put my shoulder into it and pass the class. I have made it this far without (any of the above) (complete)fail(ure). Jan 4th till Feb 9th (the so far) and March 5th is the target to the finish line. It seems so far. So much more to do... Ugh.
Smile, head up, breathe, do my best, I am a smart guy, just a lot harder to train than your average 'old dog'.
What difference is made by the quality of teachers. The guys teaching really know their stuff, and assume that all will be able to keep up or at least follow their example. The idea that an expert in a field is the best teacher is usually not true. It is the one that can make the subject matter digestable, relate-able that will win high praise with me.
I hate to brag to myself here, but you know, I will need reminders for that autobiography (still needs a title, something like "He took over for Jack and the phrase was coined Mike-of-Trades." [yeah, too long] Anyway, I was once a drivers education instructor (1999-2001 or so) and I had to learn to 'un-learn' how I drive, to actually derive the equation or perhaps deconstruct the concept(s) to be able to teach a new generation of young drivers to succeed at what most of us adults do without much thought.
Yeah, that's me, putting a lot of thought into something others consider (relatively) mindless. I found a way to teach each concept at least three different ways. [insert examples here] All would culminate (and no I would not use words like 'culminate' with my classes/students) into the experiential (or the word experiential); The doing, the hands on, the real thing, the real McCoy as each had to actually apply each of those parts successfully before they would be tested and set out on the road on their own. I fretted over it, and I enjoyed it, and the little money it brought me. It was then that I realized that I would really like to have kids of my own. I love teaching. Why then am I not a teacher. Hmm. Well the fact that my present work is well suited to a Mike-of-Trades. I teach, I train, I do customer service, fitness and consulting, social and financial counseling, research, and development, construction, maintenance, and intelligence analysis, to name a few jobs off the top of my head...
Why change all the fun now? The fun I would like includes fewer hours staring at the computer (for work) and more (I hope) helping and relating to live warm bodies that can respond in turn. (Leaving this intentionally vague, as I am still trying out other options (presently stalled by aforementioned class)...
Enough,
- Mike Odd
You would be a good teacher. Have you thought about getting teaching certification instead?
ReplyDeleteIt's okay to wonder, and it's okay to explore, and it's okay to try. You done good just by trying. :)
The worst of it all is that I happened not to have failed, and in fact attained a perfect score. It will be averaged down into other not so good grades. Perhaps all I need is more time, though I do see getting away from my present and teaching something, someday. I began teaching classes in 1991 before I graduated college. It was the 4+ years and the money that it would take to pursue a teaching degree that held me back. "Go get a job." 'they' said. I did, and adventure after adventure I some how made it to where I am now.
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