How do we ever know? By Luck?

There are times when I see the _________ that another is going through, let's call _______ "Shit", and my heart goes out to them.  The deep seated "knight in shining armor" is now the want to help, find perspective and an occasional solution to life's "shit'. You know, the 'stuff' that 'happens'...

I wrote the following to a person I consider a friend, and have no clue whether it turns out to be a long winded version of "There, there, it will all be okay..."  That IS a bit cliche, I admit, but it it was never my intention to come out that way.  I will say that myheart is in it, and I try to chose my words to be best understood.  I am a guy, with a man's perspective. (That may be a handicap.)

A friend, in discussing how she is considering how others might view her pursuing a "Friends with Benefits" relationship, following the break-up of a 'semi-serious' relationship, thought she might be ridiculed by others.  I lent her my perspective.

 You'll get no flak from me.  You are here on this earth to live your life.  Life, with its mystery, ups and downs, is best figured out by each of us.  Perhaps never fully. . .

I can try to agree with your friend that said an intelligent person would never have let you go,[and moved on...] Yet, my mind sees another perspective.

(Not to defend anyone, but...)

There are times that one can "fall-in-like-with" an amazing, exceptional, intelligent and loving person that you seem compatible with and yet something still goes wrong. [It is the 'something' that we will try to understand, dwell on, shed tears over and try to fill in a story, where there is only a mystery without enough evidence to make a case...]

It takes time to get past the immediate argument of the head that says, "Hey, this person is great, I love how I feel when I am with them..."  The heart may 'fall-in'[-like] too, or perhaps [it will] be "twice-shy" from a recent bite.  The feeling that something feels askew may never cross the mind.  The bonding has already started by then... 

[To then tell my story...]

I no longer feel stupid as I recall how I either ended a relationship/broke up with, or just let a number of great women move on.  I could recall names and circumstances, all irrelevant now, as I know that the men that they later found to share their lives with were a much better fit than I could have ever been.  Some of these women are still friends, and to see their uniqueness, creativity, the love within their family, all tells me that they are where they really should be.  It is a mystery to me how they found such good lives [but I should really give them credit], and I have become but a footnote in their story.  To be honest I am a little jealous or envious of some of the good they have [at times], but I realize that it is [THEIR] 'good'. [I also have realized that] they have not necessarily [made] the same choices I would have... myself.  [Good for them,] Great for them[!]   I still love them; they are great people, just not the one I felt I could spend my life making decisions, compromises and love with.

I sincerely hope that you [my friend] will find the distance of time and perspective that will make it obvious that the relationship lost is good for both of you.  You have to [sincerely] Hope for their happiness, and your heart, as big as it is, will be ready to receive, the possibility of, a new love.

[Man, I read the above again for the fifth time and start to wonder what choices I could have made differently, perhaps I could have become a father... I suspect it was always a dream to teach and listen to and love a little person, a child, in the hope that they would grow to be a woman or man that I would be immensely proud of.  To have the will and intelligence (academic and emotional) to make their own way through this mystery and confusion of a world, and hope, themselves to make a contribution (big or small) to make it better.]