Does my feeling that I have a very difficult time making new friends recently, fall into the category of me not emanating the right "friend" vibe? Is it a matter of the incredible amount of time that I am either working or nowhere to be found. [I really do not advertise where I am going, pretty rarely in fact, though there are always exceptions.] Perhaps there are people that might make friends, if I did something extra curricular-ly that others might have an interest in... Movie/Film anyone. Dinner out at some exotic (yes, I am a vegetarian) restaurant or maybe just pancakes and coffee?
Ugh. I do not want to get into some pity party. THAT would be really attractive. Perhaps as the weather gets better, and I start to ride my bike, swim (if I can find a free/cheap pool), run (again as I am still hobbling after a fractured ankle) or ???? I am not trying to find a date. Just people that might hang out together now and then.
I'll be quiet. Speak only when spoken to. Behave in public. Listen intently. Laugh at all [well most] of the jokes. Promise not to be a poor sport. To pay my share. To be encouraging. Smile. Remain receptive to ideas and happily jump into the deep end if the situation warrants. Act the fool or the adult or the designated driver. Act younger, older or somewhat like my own age, whatever that means... I'll even travel a reasonable distance, but won't get carried away, over excited or emotional (unless the situation warrants, without a doubt).
Where does this get me?
No, Idea.
Next thought...
I have never been in an office and seen so many folks taking leave or vacations (staycations, or whatever) as it makes me wonder where I would go and when. Why go anywhere? Especially when you are not thinking of some place that you really want to go or be.
Some of this I suspect is the fact that I have no one inviting me anywhere. (See the full loop there!) Perhaps it is due to the fact that I have no children, that I would feel the need to show new things and explore and see the world.
Have I become weary of the world? Travel? I have been many places, many as a necessity or part of my work, and had a bit of fun along the way. [This is now pretty rare] Am I uninspired? Do I feel anchored to a house, home, chores, the day to day... Is it a symptom of my workaholism (a mask to my depressive episodes in the past) or perhaps a need to feel productive...
I don't know.
The thought of taking a class excites me, if I can work it out... I am in the process... and Yes, it will be another form of work, sure, but it will be a change, a thought of a new path, career, direction... In or out of the military...
Have I ever mentioned that I am in the military? Hmm. Perhaps this is the first, but don't hold it against me. People comment and are at times amazed by the thought of it.
That for another time.
Pondering: Is it just me?
I wondered this earlier in my counselor's office. Like, why do I keep having shitty experiences in my love life? You read my blog and feel certain I have much to offer, and I read yours with the same certainty. If you're having difficulty reaching out, I think one thing we have in common is that we both, with our myriad hopes, don't let perception of failure keep us from continuing to try. Most things require persistence in life, right? Dieting, exercise, job training, education... friendship is not any different.
ReplyDeleteYou met me through E and there are a lot of other people he is friends with, next time there is a gathering, hit me up and I'll see if you want to join. Other ways to meet people might be through meetup.org -- I'm considering doing a few things there too. Hold your head up -- you're a remarkable person and the lonely path is just temporarily self-imposed. Hang in there.
Also thank you for such thoughtful comments on my post, it really REALLY meant a lot.
Oh, so that's how you found me ^. I <3 her. Anyway, I think I'm in the same boat. At times I wonder what the heck is wrong with me because I don't really have that many friends but I go for long periods of extreme introversion so I'm thinking that's probably why. Meetup is a good idea because there's so many groups that you're sure to find one that interests you. Also, reaching out to others online is another avenue. I think I love my online friends more than my real world friends but I'm sure a therapist would have something to say about that.
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