How do I do it?

How can I remain composed, day after day, questions come, answers do not.  At least answers are not obviously being answered to my satisfaction.  I think that it is a matter of just finding the right (magical) question to ask. Right?

A time machine or way of peering into the future, or into a 'possible' future might set my mind at ease.  Not gonna happen.  Perhaps to look to others that have done 'exactly' what I have done and survived... Nope, not an easy find.  I try to interpolate answers gleaned from examples of, "There was this guy... he did such and such..." and the example I hold up to my present experiences and situation and ...

It is like comparing fingerprints. Sure there are loops and whorls and vague similarity, but being different, as I look closely are very un-alike. 

I do not loose my temper, and perhaps I should (a little), but it does not seem to me that it would help with anything.  Anger is a frustrating distraction that I really don't need, and is rooted in shame.  A feeling that I have done something wrong.  I start to think, "How can I make up for it?", "How can I fix it" and then I think perhaps I AM more resilient than I thought (think of myself). Wherever I may fall, and I expect to, considering the complexity of my future endeavors (plans) where a lot of stuff has to fit for it 'all' to work, I ask, "How do I do it?"  "How do I keep it together if the plan fails, if part of the elaborate plan fails?"  Having been through so much and surviving many many Many other failures (whether I succeed later or not) I know that if I survived all that, there is a pretty good likelihood I'll survive this.

Stiff, sore and tired, I typed the above, and postponed sleep, yet I am resigned that I am . . . no.  I am resolute that I am worthy of good that comes my way, and I'll be sure to take the credit if I succeed.

Perhaps this will be a testament to the crazy amount of will it will require to get through all that is before me.

M.O.